so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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