the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
