I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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