Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
