Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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