So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Holy sore nipples Batman
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize