you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize