non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
