mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
