how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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