6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
