so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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