There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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