perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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