every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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