I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
