Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
