i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
