I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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