In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
