Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
