Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
