Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
