Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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