no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize