I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
