i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
