I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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