look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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