We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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