so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
