Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
