The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
