I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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