so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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