she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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