Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
