dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
