dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
