the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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