:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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