our cab driver is having phone sex.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
