i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
