peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
