Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
