I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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