She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
