you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
