she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
