Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
