turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
be right there i have to get my cape
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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