it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
