Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think my vagina is haunted
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
