why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
