Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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