it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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