Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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