So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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