I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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