So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
