a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can't turn off my feet"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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