break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
