after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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