just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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