Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
