if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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