so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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