Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
