i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
