matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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