marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So much rum. So many feels.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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