honey bunches of taint.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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