She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
