is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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