do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
