the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
