I didn't shave. On purpose
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
