My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
