when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
why is half of my head shaved?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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