It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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