I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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