i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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