I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
