I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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