Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
