He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
