whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i think i just lost a toe
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
