i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize