And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
